Break Dancing

All of these magazines whose advice I normally ignore have been urging me to break in my wedding shoes pre-wedding. This time I was thinking: you know, aching feet is no way to spend any day, so why not, right? What else am I going to be doing with my feet?

I hardly ever wear high heels though and I'm not sure if the reason is really the effect; it might actually be the cause of why I don't wear them that often. You see, when I wear sparkly high heels, I feel an immediate urge to act like a Rockette or something. In my complete ensemble of t-shirt and shorts and high heels yesterday, I treated Matt to a rousing renditions of "Surrey with the Fringe on Top" and "Oklahoma" followed in short order with "Hernando's Hideaway." I included jazz hands, interpretive charades and copious kicks with a smattering of tap dancing. I then finished up with a series of ill-hatched high kicks (lots of enthusiasm, but not a lot of altitude you know) before Matt had to excuse himself to the outdoors to break from my musical theater hijinks.

I think I've worried him. You see, I will be wearing these shoes at our wedding. When we recite sacred vows. When we agree to cherish each other for a lifetime. And when we recess to greet our friends and family as Mr. and Mrs. Us. Will I high-kick and judo chop my way through this very special day? I really can't say--the shoes have all the power. But, in the event that I turn my own wedding in to a hoedown, I will at least take requests. Fair enough?

The Rules of Engagement

"An engagement ring is not essential to becoming engaged."
--Emily Post

I need to talk to y'all about something very serious: pre-engagement. What is this? I recently had a friend tell me that a friend of hers was planning a wedding for next summer. "Oh, I didn't even know X was engaged," I commented. "How wonderful."
"Well X isn't engaged," said my friend. "But she and her beau have set a date. They're sort of pre-engaged."
"Oh," was my response. But what I was really thinking was "Yeah, I think that's made up."

Of course, I never say this because I always think things are made up and they often turn out not to be, so I try to save myself a grovel when I can. I do put quite a bit of stock in Ms. Post, however, and it appears she agrees with me, as does Matt who says "either you is or you ain't."

You may not know that Matt and I did not exchange rings when we became engaged. We were out for oysters at one of of our favorite places---Gilhooley's in San Leon having a sort of picnic. It was a full moon and we decided together that getting married sounded like one of the best ideas we'd heard of. Then we sealed the deal with a high five. And it was at that point, when we agreed to marry one another that we were engaged. (A couple weeks later, Matt and I went to his machine shop, where he fine-tuned beautiful titanium bands carved out of a racecar axle!) So the point I'm getting to is this: if you've got a date set already *because* you've already agreed to marry each other, then you're engaged. You're there and then some. You've arrived with your bags packed. Good job, team.

But this pre-engagement thing has become very popular with people who feel the diamond (or cubic zirconia or even heart-shaped peridot, if you will) is all. In fact, when we started planning the wedding, I visited the wretched, evil, horrible web site The Knot which puts all kinds of pressure and judges you tremendously without actually knowing you or interacting with you. Blech. I spit on you The Knot! Anyway, to sign up, the evil knot asks you at what stage you are of planning. And you can't just check engaged. Your options are "single; just loooking" and "ring on my/her finger and finally ready to go," or something similarly asinine.

Does The Knot think it knows better than EMILY POST? Well, let me tell you--The Knot--you just better step off or I will throw my pre-engagement ring at you. Or something equally devastating. That's right.

Wish you were here (to boycott The Knot with me!),
Wed Dog

Here! Here!

Another quote that we have found particularly appropo as we sift through the last of the planning details. Sometimes when we realize how much we have messed something up (or are told how much we've messed something up by snooty wedding industry personnel), we like to joke that we'll get it right for our next wedding. :)

"Buying a car, son, is just like getting married or going to New York City. Everybody ought to do it once, but nobody ought to do it twice."
--from the movieThe Giant Gila Monster

Wish you were here (there's lots to laugh about),
Wed Dog

Words of Love Whisper Softly to Me

For anyone who knows me well or has read this blog at all, it is fairly obvious that aside from Matt, my great love in life is language and writing. Often I think of a line from Shakespeare's Twelfth Night when Count Orsino (I may have that wrong) is pining away for someone he believes to be the Countess or Baroness Olivia, but is actually the shipwrecked Viola (okay, I could have that wrong, too--it's been awhile. Sorry. It's the line that's important, not the context) and he says "If music be the food of love, play on." That is how I feel about language; it's the food of love, at least for me. Well, except for food, which I put out in spades for the ones I love. Basically, I love a good sentence. (In fact, Matt's ability to turn a phrase in a way that was so original and so refreshing was one of the first ways he began to tug at my heart. He is really one of my favorite orators with his commanding presence and voice. If forestry doesn't work out, I hope he will become a motivational speaker or something. Maybe I will get frisbees with his motto on them. I will have to come up with his motto though.)

So back to language. When it came time to start planning this wedding, I knew that the specific language of everything--from the vows, to the lyrics of the music, to the invitations would be very, very important to me. Despite the fact that writing is my trade, I was not totally confident in my own ability to articulate my commitment to Matt and our new family together so I bought this book called Words for the Wedding. Though I put the link to it on amazon, let me save you a click. It's sort of a crummy book, poorly organized, and a little too dreamy for me--if you know what I mean (anyone want my copy? ha). The first page says some corny thing about what this woman would say to her spouse if she were getting married, but she isn't. Um, okey dokey. Of course, being a lefty, I perused it from back to front, missing the corny intro and thought: "Hey, this could be groovy. Here's my charge card!" So I don't know why I told you all this because with all that critical analysis of this book, I will now post stuff from it.

Why? Well as much as I am being a Cranky McAngrypants about it, the book turned out to be not *entirely* unhelpful, as I had access to a lot of great quotes without all those flashing banners telling me that I won a free iPod and if I guess a celebrity I can win a free cell phone (no thank you!). Though I still maintain that they were very poorly organized and odd. Like the category "sex" was included in "To Have and To Hold" as if someone is going to use a sex/racy quote in their vows?! Maybe I am too prudish? Ick.

So ickiness notwithstanding, I wanted to share with you some quotes that I found to be excellent, but alas are on the cutting room floor. Hopefully you can apply them in your own lives (but seriously, don't waste your money on the book if you have google).

This one I like because it seems particularly applicable to Matt and me, who got engaged after knowing each other about seven months. More to come!

"It is wrong to think that love comes from a long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations."
-Kahlil Gibran

Very satisfying, no?

Wish you were here (I'd read aloud to you!),
Wed Dog

Calling all RSVP cards home!

Please, please, please everyone--send us your RSVP cards! Or email us! Or call! We'd love to hear from you and know if you're coming to join in our special celebration. Don't delay--do it today!

from Marriage Manners: A Set of Etiquette Pointers to Help Keep Magic in Your Marriage

by Marjorie Binford Woods and Helen Flynn, c. 1955

It's the inconsistencies of actions and thoughts in women that baffle men. So try to uncomplicate yourself and think and say only what you really mean....Cultivate a set of good bathroom manners right in the beginning. No fair "hogging" the bath, or spreading your belongings all over the place. Respect each other's privacy. Make it a closed-door policy. Star by being wifely right off, by running his bath for him and placing the bath mat and towels in their correct spots.

You'll merit the new title of "wife" from your honeymoon days on:

if ---you refrain from kissing or cuddling up to him in front of people ( or otherwise embarrassing him in public).

if ---when you differ with each other you do so humorously and courteously.

if ---you cultivate little secret signs and phrases, familiar only to the two of you, and keep them working.

if ---you try never to burst into tears over imaginary hurt feelings and make him impatient with you over your lack of emotional control.

Well, it's a good thing Matt and I didn't get married in the 50s. According to this book, I'd be a TERRIBLE wife, breaking nearly every guideline--and so would Matt. I will say that I do put the bath mat and towels in their correct spots, but Matt makes it a point to put them in their incorrect ones. Are we destined for misery? Not if we employ our secret signals!

To the bat cave, Matthew!

Wish you were here (we're having a great old time!),
Wed Dog

It's A Family Affair

As you'll note from my last post, I have been pretty worried that our wedding was going to become some sort of freak show with Matt and me at center stage. This concern grew when I found an assortment of old photos of me on my mom's kitchen counter that were certainly destined to be viewed by many. And I morphed into a kind of Cranky McAngrypants when I noted a picture in particular in which I had just had jaw surgery the month before--and to add insult to injury, had cut my own bangs. My suspicions were confirmed. Doom was imminent and I grouchily admonished the involved parties who I perceived as turning our wedding into some kind of sideshow and corporate endorsement of m & m's, simply because we had most unwisely chosen that theme for our web page.

Despite my apparent continued conviction that this is still the case--I have softened. Truly. I really don't like being a crank, well, perhaps I do sometimes, but I don't think there are many that hope their wedding bears close resemblence to the state fair. I discussed this with friends who have gotten married and they also noted that everyone wants input. People I bearly know suggest cotton candy machine rentals, hay rides, or in the case of Martha Stewart--individual rose petals for every sugar cube for every cup of coffee you serve. There comes a point when the people actually spending a lot of time taking care of details would rather be watching a rental movie and must firmly and kindly urge everyone to step off. And yet, after a much-needed nap, some quiet time reading and a discussion with Matt, I am finally realizing that a wedding is unlike any other event--and not just because it has its very own price scale. (eep!) No, a wedding is a community event. It's a family affair with two families celebrating their union and the new family formed by two people they have watched closely and guarded so preciously for years. They feel involved because they ARE involved.

No, there will still not be hay rides and I will still not take kindly to oddly insistent suggestions about hiring fireeaters or charging admission (?) from strangers. But, I am going to make room for compromise and for the kind and loving acts of both our families-- even if I necessarily writhe when my mom flashes the finer moments from my exceptionally awkward adolescence (and hopefully Matt's, too) in some kind of laser light show. In fact, I will welcome it. I will have another piece of cake and pat myself on the back for being such a decent sport. However, I must revisit the idea that there wouldn't be anything TOO terrible about eloping. Ha ha.


See, Mary J. Blige knows what's up. What took me so long?

Wish you were here,
Wed Dog

Confessions and Show Business

I am kind of freaked out that people keep telling me I'm "the show."

What does that even mean? Usually people add "honey" or "sweetheart" to the end of that. I guess some people like to hear that and it validates a lot of this wedding tomfoolery. But I must confess, it rather terrifies me.

What happens if I trip?

A million dollars from America's funniest home videos? I don't even like that show! (Is it still on? Does Bob Saget still host it?)

Oh, and in other news, I now have, just by the way things worked out "colors." Our wedding invitations, as you saw were cranberry (we say red) and black. Now that I have added bridesmaids other than my sister, who is wearing black, they are wearing cranberry (I still say red).

The florist and the caterer have run with this. I will allow them to keep running, as long as they don't call me too much. But seriously, they have to stop discussing this "the show" business. Instead of the lady with two heads, I'm like the lady who probably spent too much on a single dress. Ha ha.

Wish you were here (it's scary!),
Wed Dog

Engagement Pictures!

Hey hey! Our engagement pictures are here.

To see them, visit Joe Lowery Photography and choose "Mary & Matt" under portraits.

Our password is Templeton. Hope you enjoy!

Wish you were here,
Wed Dog

An Ounce of Pretension vs. A Pound of Manure

I know there are a few of you out there trying to avoid what can easily become the money pit/grounds for divorce/frustrating cycle of doom that is wedding planning, so here are some of my tips.

Please note that none of these tips involve taking special time with your fiance to just relax and not think about wedding planning and stuff. While that's all well and good, there will come a point when you must do that or die and everyone else will tell you so anyway. My tips are those not sponsored by the wedding industry or any type of evil corporation. They're free, so you know, take that for what it's worth, which is $0.00. Well, I might say 1/16 of $0.01, but not redeemable for cash value. It's not like I have hay pennies all over this joint.

Tip one: You have more time than everyone tells you you do.

In the past couple of days, Matt and I learned from both our cake maker The Cake Lady and our florist J. Maisel's Mainland Floral (who deserve those plugs, so please click if you feel jazzy) that basically they need two weeks to get everything right. So that whole thing where all those magazines tell you to get a florist eight months out: why? Do they actually need to plant the seeds for the flowers that you order? Do they need to raise the cows for the roast beef you will be serving? Do they need to harvest the flour for your cake? Absolutely not. However, two weeks is a good amount of time to insure that 1-you're not freaking out about what everyone has undoubtedly made you think is the last minute (it ain't over til it's over, namsayn?). Also, two weeks will almost certainly guarantee that you have a place on the schedule with the psychos that planned stuff like eight years in advance. Which brings me back to my original point about how everyone says you need to take some "special" time off. If you're planning sooo far in advance, you will be putting yourself through misery every day of that. Give yourself a break! Just stop that madness. You have time. Although I will say, if you do everything two weeks in advance, you should really have your ducks in a row. Have your appointments with peops made. Know what you want your cake to look like. Or be willing to compromise--which I enjoy, on account of the amount of leisure it affords us. So in summary, I recommend doing stuff 2-4 weeks in advance. Except your caterer, which I will recommend booking about six weeks in advance or passing the task off to your sister! Yay.

Tip Two: The wedding will happen and the marriage can be great, even if the flowers don't arrive or the cake is oddly mishapen.

I haven't actually gotten married yet, but I am feeling pretty confident about all this. Most of my decisions in the wedding planning process were made from a place of deep ambivalence over a lifetime of pesky perfectionism versus a disgust for the whole corporate machine telling me how I *had* to do things, else I might doom my marriage.

Not true. While Matt and I are so honored that many of our friends and family will be there to bless and support our beginning as a married couple, we are both firm that had our resources and situation been different, we would have happily marched to the courthouse to be together.

Well, I guess there are only two tips for now, so I hope you enjoyed them. I will now take a moment to put a feather in my and Matt's caps for all that we got done this week.

-engagement photos (should be online today! stay tuned!)
-flowers
-ceremony/vows
-cake ordered
-invitations out! hooray!
-replaced my most awesome hair clip (okay, not related to the wedding, but I considered it an emotional coup as I had to accept that my old one was gone for good this time)

See you soon!

Wish you were here,
Wed Dog

Ack! I found the wretched hats.

See--I wasn't exaggerating.

A nap sounds pretty good.

Our to-do list is finally getting manageable. I have to order the cake still and get a florist, but at this point that seems like nothing.

We mailed out every one of our exceptionally labor-intensive invitations this morning. It was bittersweet sending them off. It was a relief that they were finally on their way, but last night as we were finishing up the silkscreening, I looked at the cascade of magnolias as all the invitations stared up at me. It was a true labor of love and we're really proud of our efforts, but I was also kind of the the "stop touching me" point with them also. Aaaaand--thanks to my sister we have a caterer. Aaaand as of this afternoon, we have taken engagement portraits which I will post a link to next week when they're available.

So now we basically just have to show up. Works for me! Yay!

Wish you were here,
Wed Dog

I Do NOT

My mom ripped a page from some tacky catalog she found that had these horrible bride and groom baseball hats so we could have a good laugh about them. The bride's cap was decorated with silk roses and enough tulle to gag a small pony. The groom's hat involved some "clever" ball-and-chain ornament. I tried desperately to google a picture of this abomination for y'all, but to no avail. Unfortunately, while I do enjoy staring at these items in the way one might enjoy attending the freak show at the state fair, I have kind of a "so funny I forgot to laugh" bad attitude about this kind of stuff. I mean, instead of taking it in stride as evidence that some people are just infinitely competent in showcasing their bad taste, I have to get all bent out of shape about it. Sorry, I am kind of hung up on the whole not making stupid misogynist/racist/bigoted comments. I'm not much of a good sport about it at all. With that said, my diatribe awaits.

I don't think I'm the kind of person who can't take a joke, but I don't think marriage IS a joke. Nor do I find sexist stereotypes to be funny. So when I see apparently humorous novelties like these:



I don't think--"Gee, marriage is going to be one good-naturedly funny moment after the other! I (heart) gendered ribbing!" Something more along the lines of "Gee this allegedly playful battle of the sexes and perpetuation of annoying stereotypes projected onto a sacred lifetime commitment is tiresome and oppressive."

No, seriously. This is the caption with those pillowcases. Go to sleep every night knowing your role in the marriage with this Mr. Right, Mrs. Always Right set of 2 pillowcases.

Oh well, just hose everything down in tulle and re-invest your life savings in rose petals and everything will be all right, right? Grr.

And since I'm already putting quite a fine point on it--what were they thinking by putting the seams of both pillowcases to the right? Everyone is sleeping on the same side of the bed? Well, bless you for being ecumenical in some way, but if you're going to assign gender roles willynilly, is it too much to ask that the seams go on the outside? Hrmph.

Wish you were here (to lower my blood pressure with your famous company),
Wed Dog